It's an interesting world we live in. For many years I've heard, "it takes all kinds" in tones ranging from amusement to amazement to disgust. But the reality is, it does take all kinds.
I'm trying to buy a home. Goodness knows, if I had to do all that wheeling and dealing with lenders and financing BS, I'd be a screaming mimi (apologies to Mimis everywhere). I'm sick today. In keeping with "physician heal thyself," I'm laying on the sofa drinking juice and intermittently putting ice on my sinuses. I also went to see my PT and friend Serene for a cranial treatment. And then I stopped by Starbucks to have the neighborhood barista make an icey slush to ice my brain from the inside.
It takes all kinds. Without all these different people, my day would have come to a screeching halt or might not have gotten started at all. And I've barely touched the surface of all the people I've worked with today in the short time I've been out of my living room.
I got an email from a friend inviting me to her husband's birthday party. This gave me a chance to ask her about the cancer I'd heard she had. She told me the story. Her cancer was curable and came with a gift, a closeness to her family and appreciation for life she didn't have before.
My neighbors are severely burned. They were injured in separate incidents. One accidental and one intentional. When I walk by their house the only thing I notice is all the love... the love for each other, the love they pour out to all their friends (luckily myself included), and the love grown into the huge sunflowers and tiny roses blooming all over the yard. Tucked between the swiss chard and beet tops there are no weeds, only love. and then there are the strawberries ripening on the bush... "that's the one we planted for the neighbors to eat..." I realized the other day that I see their scars less and less every day. What I see is their smiles, their happiness, and their will to live.
And here I am, sitting in my rental house in Colorado.... waiting to move into a lovely little house with the love of my life. When my life is a hurricane, he is the peace at the eye of the storm. So blessed every day with a chance to help people feel just a little better or have hope about what they are facing. Blessed by great friends and good times. Blessed by all kinds, and just enough chaos to remind me to appreciate it.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
July 4th - a different kind of fireworks
It's July 4 weekend and I don't give a rats a** about fireworks. So I jumped on my bike and went for a ride before anyone had a chance to get drunk and drive. I rode about 3-4 hours with a 1 hr stop at the gym for a swim. Thoroughly exhausted, I went home and did a few things until my friend Sarah came over.
Sarah is a friend from Texas daze. She's an adventure racer who was out on an adventure with her kids Katie and Charlie. They graced my house and let me adventure with them for a few days. This involved chocolate, ice cream, art, dinosaurs, chocolate, gators, aliens, ice cream, and did I mention chocolate?
We spent Saturday afternoon at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival going between adult art and kid art. Sunday we tooled around Fort Collins and found the Swetsville Zoo.
The Zoo is a bunch of sculptures made by a man in Timnath (just East of Fort Collins). Many of the characters are recognizable and some are just fun critters. The exhibit is free though they accept donations. It was so good that Katie and Charlie wanted to donate even though I had already donated for them.
It was the perfect way to forget about work and buying houses and virtually everything else. Thanks Katie, Charlie, and Sarah!
Sarah is a friend from Texas daze. She's an adventure racer who was out on an adventure with her kids Katie and Charlie. They graced my house and let me adventure with them for a few days. This involved chocolate, ice cream, art, dinosaurs, chocolate, gators, aliens, ice cream, and did I mention chocolate?
We spent Saturday afternoon at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival going between adult art and kid art. Sunday we tooled around Fort Collins and found the Swetsville Zoo.
The Zoo is a bunch of sculptures made by a man in Timnath (just East of Fort Collins). Many of the characters are recognizable and some are just fun critters. The exhibit is free though they accept donations. It was so good that Katie and Charlie wanted to donate even though I had already donated for them.
It was the perfect way to forget about work and buying houses and virtually everything else. Thanks Katie, Charlie, and Sarah!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Of Harley Bean and Fireworks
The sound of fireworks makes me sad.
I remember how the distant pop and hiss used to make Harley tremble and whistle with anxiety. In addition to his Prozac, I'd give him an extra bit of valium wrapped in bacon or steak. I'd coax him onto the bed with me, thinking I could provide enough comfort that he wouldn't notice the fireworks. But as soon as I'd drift off to sleep he'd get up and pace the house. His nails click, click, clicking on the hardwoods and his breath whistling through the tightness of his fear.
On July 1, 2006 I ran the Leadville Marathon in Leadville Colorado. I was sick every couple miles. A drunk had peed on my car in the middle of the night. And someone had egged the other side of my car as I slept fitfully in the back.
On July 2, 2006, I held my beloved Harley as he breathed his last breath without a whistle. Two years later, I still miss him terribly. I don't even remember fire works that year. But now, as I hear them, I remember the twitch of his muscles with every noise.
Tributes:
Oh to hell with my brain
This day of the beast
It tells me that I have done well
To love you despite your faults
by making your life better
My brain is ignorant beyond belief
When matters of the heart are at stake
Or steak, as you would prefer
This is the day I have dread
Or close to it
The day you will join Sister
And run with someone other than me
Oh, I would share you any day
But to give you over
To the transition
Will be agonizing
At best
The gentle understanding in your eyes
For every heartbreak I have encountered
In our years together
That quiet assurance
That you were always there for me
Unconditionally
Unwavering in your loyalty
How could I even begin
To pay tribute
To one who has been
In my every waking hour
For so many, very short, years
To those four feet
Which have been with me
For so many miles
You have been my companion
My sweetness, my Bean
And you will be with me
On every run
On every trail
That beautiful grin
That undying love
Lisa B
Bean
Missing
warm velvet
Twitching muscle
Running partner
Curious nose
Whistle pig
Thinking
Old friend
Frolic
Snowy footprints
Yellow snow
Slippery hill
Big smile
Remembering
Wet feet
Crunchy bowl
Hot bacon
Prozac
One salty kiss
Groaning sigh
Running
Half heard footsteps
Pulling uphill
Cold morning
All girls
Someone missing
Harley Bean
1/23/08
I remember how the distant pop and hiss used to make Harley tremble and whistle with anxiety. In addition to his Prozac, I'd give him an extra bit of valium wrapped in bacon or steak. I'd coax him onto the bed with me, thinking I could provide enough comfort that he wouldn't notice the fireworks. But as soon as I'd drift off to sleep he'd get up and pace the house. His nails click, click, clicking on the hardwoods and his breath whistling through the tightness of his fear.
On July 1, 2006 I ran the Leadville Marathon in Leadville Colorado. I was sick every couple miles. A drunk had peed on my car in the middle of the night. And someone had egged the other side of my car as I slept fitfully in the back.
On July 2, 2006, I held my beloved Harley as he breathed his last breath without a whistle. Two years later, I still miss him terribly. I don't even remember fire works that year. But now, as I hear them, I remember the twitch of his muscles with every noise.
Tributes:
Oh to hell with my brain
This day of the beast
It tells me that I have done well
To love you despite your faults
by making your life better
My brain is ignorant beyond belief
When matters of the heart are at stake
Or steak, as you would prefer
This is the day I have dread
Or close to it
The day you will join Sister
And run with someone other than me
Oh, I would share you any day
But to give you over
To the transition
Will be agonizing
At best
The gentle understanding in your eyes
For every heartbreak I have encountered
In our years together
That quiet assurance
That you were always there for me
Unconditionally
Unwavering in your loyalty
How could I even begin
To pay tribute
To one who has been
In my every waking hour
For so many, very short, years
To those four feet
Which have been with me
For so many miles
You have been my companion
My sweetness, my Bean
And you will be with me
On every run
On every trail
That beautiful grin
That undying love
Lisa B
Bean
Missing
warm velvet
Twitching muscle
Running partner
Curious nose
Whistle pig
Thinking
Old friend
Frolic
Snowy footprints
Yellow snow
Slippery hill
Big smile
Remembering
Wet feet
Crunchy bowl
Hot bacon
Prozac
One salty kiss
Groaning sigh
Running
Half heard footsteps
Pulling uphill
Cold morning
All girls
Someone missing
Harley Bean
1/23/08
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Take the next step
Yesterday someone made a fantastic post to the ultra list. Here are a few bits from it and how they apply to my life right now.
"Another lesson that I have learned that I wish I would have known when I was younger is that having fear is not the same thing as lacking faith and that fear and faith often go hand in hand. I am scared of plenty of things - and I'm OK with that now.... If I was thinking ahead of time that I could just quit if some adversity arose, then what's to fear in that? There is little to be scared of in anything one does - if that anything is something small or one knows that you can just quit if things get difficult. And so it is in life. When one has a significant dream, quitting is not an option, and one has the faith to take the first step, then some fear can naturally go along with that. I am no longer afraid to be fearful. "
I've told Alexis "Do one thing each day that scares you." What I have found is that if I live by this as much as possible, less and less things scare me.
When I signed up to do the Florida Ironman with Guy, I didn't know how to swim much more than to rescue myself in a pinch. I could play in the water but not much more. Getting in the water was scary. Even if I could touch bottom, I felt panicky, out of control, and totally uncoordinated. But I knew that I could learn to swim.
As I have learned, the fear of swimming has gotten much less. I'd even say I'm mostly comfortable in the pool. Lake swimming is scary but I know that's a matter of unfamiliarity. My skills have improved and I've gotten to the point that I've done a short tri and I've increased my distance steadily.
A few weeks ago, I decided I needed a little help to progress further and faster on the swimming. After the tri, I was back sliding a little in terms of being able to swim longer distances. So I hired a coach.
Wendy from T2 coaching is turning out to be a fabulous influence on my swimming. After the first lesson I felt more balanced in the water and knew a few things to unlearn. I had seen the progress on video and it was amazing in just an hour. It took a lot of swimming over 2 weeks to assimilate the changes. They helped me be more balanced AND helped unveil more areas that needed work.
Today was my second session. We refined some of the skills and drills from the last session. We added some new drills and areas of focus. For the first time, I felt my hand catch the water and push me forward. Instead of windmilling my arms through the water with minimal effect, I was actually propelling myself through the water with some reasonable force. I finished the session excited to do more and to swim tomorrow.
I also chatted with Wendy about my training program... terms used loosely. Sounds like I'm basically on the right course and will refine it later as I approach race time. I'm re-energized and ready to train.
"Another lesson that I have learned that I wish I would have known when I was younger is that having fear is not the same thing as lacking faith and that fear and faith often go hand in hand. I am scared of plenty of things - and I'm OK with that now.... If I was thinking ahead of time that I could just quit if some adversity arose, then what's to fear in that? There is little to be scared of in anything one does - if that anything is something small or one knows that you can just quit if things get difficult. And so it is in life. When one has a significant dream, quitting is not an option, and one has the faith to take the first step, then some fear can naturally go along with that. I am no longer afraid to be fearful. "
I've told Alexis "Do one thing each day that scares you." What I have found is that if I live by this as much as possible, less and less things scare me.
When I signed up to do the Florida Ironman with Guy, I didn't know how to swim much more than to rescue myself in a pinch. I could play in the water but not much more. Getting in the water was scary. Even if I could touch bottom, I felt panicky, out of control, and totally uncoordinated. But I knew that I could learn to swim.
As I have learned, the fear of swimming has gotten much less. I'd even say I'm mostly comfortable in the pool. Lake swimming is scary but I know that's a matter of unfamiliarity. My skills have improved and I've gotten to the point that I've done a short tri and I've increased my distance steadily.
A few weeks ago, I decided I needed a little help to progress further and faster on the swimming. After the tri, I was back sliding a little in terms of being able to swim longer distances. So I hired a coach.
Wendy from T2 coaching is turning out to be a fabulous influence on my swimming. After the first lesson I felt more balanced in the water and knew a few things to unlearn. I had seen the progress on video and it was amazing in just an hour. It took a lot of swimming over 2 weeks to assimilate the changes. They helped me be more balanced AND helped unveil more areas that needed work.
Today was my second session. We refined some of the skills and drills from the last session. We added some new drills and areas of focus. For the first time, I felt my hand catch the water and push me forward. Instead of windmilling my arms through the water with minimal effect, I was actually propelling myself through the water with some reasonable force. I finished the session excited to do more and to swim tomorrow.
I also chatted with Wendy about my training program... terms used loosely. Sounds like I'm basically on the right course and will refine it later as I approach race time. I'm re-energized and ready to train.
Comeback
I haven't written poetry in a long time
But then,
I am inspired to write by long runs
And I haven't run long in a long time
There is something about learning to swim
That doesn't inspire words
The not-so-easy focus on getting air out
And getting air in
Without taking on water
Timing breathing and arms and legs
Instead of that easy flow of motion over the ground
And holding my breath only because of the scenery
I no longer sink in the pool
But I have never sunk below the surface
Of a dirt trail with a mountain view
And then there is the bike
This contraption that requires special clothes
Special shoes
Air in the tires
And a helmet
It requires steadiness as fast cars whiz by
Or shocks for the rocks on trail
My own shocks wore out
I took a year off to replace them
Toiling in the gym and PT office
Riding the rails of a Pilates reformer
Like some hobo stowing away on a quest for healing
My life is beyond chaotic
My training like that of a madwoman
I feel my body growing into this new state
Cross trained
Not sport-specific-fit
But overall strong and lean
And yet tonight
I observe my legs while talking to India
The developing muscles
rolling hills on my quads
The race course on the left is much more complex
Than the one on the right
Atrophy grows more obvious as I fight to defeat it
I no longer chafe from the heat of a summer run
But under the slowness of the comeback
I call another PT
I google Pilates studios
I swim
I bike
I run… but not so much
Lisa B
6/30/08
But then,
I am inspired to write by long runs
And I haven't run long in a long time
There is something about learning to swim
That doesn't inspire words
The not-so-easy focus on getting air out
And getting air in
Without taking on water
Timing breathing and arms and legs
Instead of that easy flow of motion over the ground
And holding my breath only because of the scenery
I no longer sink in the pool
But I have never sunk below the surface
Of a dirt trail with a mountain view
And then there is the bike
This contraption that requires special clothes
Special shoes
Air in the tires
And a helmet
It requires steadiness as fast cars whiz by
Or shocks for the rocks on trail
My own shocks wore out
I took a year off to replace them
Toiling in the gym and PT office
Riding the rails of a Pilates reformer
Like some hobo stowing away on a quest for healing
My life is beyond chaotic
My training like that of a madwoman
I feel my body growing into this new state
Cross trained
Not sport-specific-fit
But overall strong and lean
And yet tonight
I observe my legs while talking to India
The developing muscles
rolling hills on my quads
The race course on the left is much more complex
Than the one on the right
Atrophy grows more obvious as I fight to defeat it
I no longer chafe from the heat of a summer run
But under the slowness of the comeback
I call another PT
I google Pilates studios
I swim
I bike
I run… but not so much
Lisa B
6/30/08
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