Some nights are for remembering
Stumbling across old poetry
I watch Harley age in print
And though his body has faded
I can feel the softness of the hair on his neck
Against my cheek
And the familiar ache
Of missing his warm unconditional love
Remembering
What it felt like to run well
And what it felt like
The last time I relearned
And worked so hard to get in shape
Despite the cold winter
My body remembers the heat of sun
Warming Red soil and my bones
Amidst the swirling Spanish Skirts
And the sound of Red’s voice
Spreading warm joy across my face
I am remembering friends from long ago
Friends found again
And friends long lost
There is bitter sweetness
In the passing of time
Tomorrow when I wake
I will forget this bit of nostalgia
And buckle myself into a new day
On the snow with new friends
Until I stumble across old poetry
And spend another night remembering.
1/30/09
LB
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
January evening - what winter is all about
Ahhhhh. This is what winter is all about. I just got out of a very hot shower. The temp in the house is finally above 60 degrees. And I am snuggled up in my Big Red bathrobe. No, it's not red, though it is slightly big. It's a robe that my dear friend Big Red had made for me with my name embroidered on it. Big Red was one of the loves of my life. If only he'd been 30 years younger! Even in his 70s he was sexy in a gentlemanly way. So kind, so sweet. He was a good friend and a travel buddy. He would warm this robe while I showered and leave in on a hook for me as I got out. I miss him, terribly.
I'm just in from a ski weekend. It was a weekend with the Bettys. Keystone Resort in Summit County, CO does a fabulous weekend of women skiers and women coaches. There's nothing like it. I feel sorry for the guys because they can't even really understand... Bettyfest... it's a woman thing! I met the coolest bunch of women. I've done this 5 times and I've met a huge bunch of really neat women who ski way beyond what you can imagine. They love snow. They love hills. They love bumps and trees and steeps. They want to get better and better. And they do!
This time I had a really neat coach, Joey. I've skied with Joey a time or two but never had her as a coach. She focuses on the positive but still gives you something to work on. I got a lot of new things out of this clinic. Whenever we go to the Bettyfest, all the "go for it ATV" women want to ski with Annie. That's because Annie really goes for it and teaches a lot of good stuff. She's a fabulous coach. Sometimes it's good to hear a different perspective. Another way of saying basically the same thing. That's what Joey did this time and some things really clicked. Guy was jealous that I got to ski with Joey, now I know why.
I met some really cool women to ski with too. I love skiing with the guys but sometimes they degrade into being "guys" and have to out-testosterone each other. It hurts when you try to do that... I don't like pain. When you ski with women, you push each other but a little bit more gently. It's not about drawing blood, it's about having fun, learning something new, and building a friendship. It's about having an experience you can build on next time. Remembering what that really cool set of turns felt like.
I do a lot of sports. Running, biking, skiing, swimming. I have a set of friends for each. And a lot of them cross the boundaries. There is nothing like those friendships.
So, after a good ski weekend and a hot shower, I sit on the sofa and share the beauty of the experience with anyone who wants to read this blog. And later, I'll snuggle down in my warmed bed (electric blanket to get it warm before I even get in) with the most wonderful man in the world... sorry ladies, I'm keeping him... he's the best ever. And I'll dream about next weekend.... on the slopes... in the snow... with great friends.
This is what winter is all about.
I'm just in from a ski weekend. It was a weekend with the Bettys. Keystone Resort in Summit County, CO does a fabulous weekend of women skiers and women coaches. There's nothing like it. I feel sorry for the guys because they can't even really understand... Bettyfest... it's a woman thing! I met the coolest bunch of women. I've done this 5 times and I've met a huge bunch of really neat women who ski way beyond what you can imagine. They love snow. They love hills. They love bumps and trees and steeps. They want to get better and better. And they do!
This time I had a really neat coach, Joey. I've skied with Joey a time or two but never had her as a coach. She focuses on the positive but still gives you something to work on. I got a lot of new things out of this clinic. Whenever we go to the Bettyfest, all the "go for it ATV" women want to ski with Annie. That's because Annie really goes for it and teaches a lot of good stuff. She's a fabulous coach. Sometimes it's good to hear a different perspective. Another way of saying basically the same thing. That's what Joey did this time and some things really clicked. Guy was jealous that I got to ski with Joey, now I know why.
I met some really cool women to ski with too. I love skiing with the guys but sometimes they degrade into being "guys" and have to out-testosterone each other. It hurts when you try to do that... I don't like pain. When you ski with women, you push each other but a little bit more gently. It's not about drawing blood, it's about having fun, learning something new, and building a friendship. It's about having an experience you can build on next time. Remembering what that really cool set of turns felt like.
I do a lot of sports. Running, biking, skiing, swimming. I have a set of friends for each. And a lot of them cross the boundaries. There is nothing like those friendships.
So, after a good ski weekend and a hot shower, I sit on the sofa and share the beauty of the experience with anyone who wants to read this blog. And later, I'll snuggle down in my warmed bed (electric blanket to get it warm before I even get in) with the most wonderful man in the world... sorry ladies, I'm keeping him... he's the best ever. And I'll dream about next weekend.... on the slopes... in the snow... with great friends.
This is what winter is all about.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Who cares
How does one get to the point where a day dedicated to doing good for others can seem so darned hard? When I can be exhausted and drained from doing what I love to do. Wow!
I am so frustrated by the lack of concern and caring for others. In my profession, the Hippocratic Oath says "first do no harm." It does not say "then do nothing else."
I am appalled at the practice of giving someone a diagnosis and then saying "bye bye." No information on how to follow up, what to do, how to live with that diagnosis, or where it came from.
I feel that I am working very hard to put the CARE back in health care... and I wish my colleagues would do the same.
I am tired. I am going home where I hope someone will care for me with a nice meal.
I am so frustrated by the lack of concern and caring for others. In my profession, the Hippocratic Oath says "first do no harm." It does not say "then do nothing else."
I am appalled at the practice of giving someone a diagnosis and then saying "bye bye." No information on how to follow up, what to do, how to live with that diagnosis, or where it came from.
I feel that I am working very hard to put the CARE back in health care... and I wish my colleagues would do the same.
I am tired. I am going home where I hope someone will care for me with a nice meal.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
What Will You Do?
January 20, 2009
In the big picture, nothing has changed. But everything has changed.
We now have a president who speaks in full sentences.
We have a president who can pronounce the word nuclear.
We have a country and, in fact, perhaps a whole world poised to make change with the hope for something better.
If everyone hoping that the inauguration of President Obama will make a change, works for change, we will have the change we desire.
So, what are you going to do?
What is your part of the change?
So far:
I have committed to join a local organic farm and purchase a share of their produce for the year. Both for my health and the health of the environment.
I have also committed to a sizeable (though painful) donation to the local shelter/food bank - others need it more than I do.
And I'm going to get involved with some of the groups working on change for the healthcare system so that it can be about both health and caring instead of neither.
In the big picture, nothing has changed. But everything has changed.
We now have a president who speaks in full sentences.
We have a president who can pronounce the word nuclear.
We have a country and, in fact, perhaps a whole world poised to make change with the hope for something better.
If everyone hoping that the inauguration of President Obama will make a change, works for change, we will have the change we desire.
So, what are you going to do?
What is your part of the change?
So far:
I have committed to join a local organic farm and purchase a share of their produce for the year. Both for my health and the health of the environment.
I have also committed to a sizeable (though painful) donation to the local shelter/food bank - others need it more than I do.
And I'm going to get involved with some of the groups working on change for the healthcare system so that it can be about both health and caring instead of neither.
Monday, January 19, 2009
New Day
Tonight the world is poised to make a huge leap forward. The albatross that is around our neck (W) will be gone tomorrow. And in his place, is hope.
I don't really expect our new President to be a miracle worker. But I am excited to see the readiness people have for what he will bring. It is not so much the man but the fact that everyone seems inspired. Everyone seems willing to do their part. No one I see is expecting to sit back in the Lazyboy and watch the world change. They are all rolling up their sleeves.
If this impulse continues, the world WILL change.
I have hope. My sleeves are also rolled up. My hammer is ready to build something new.
I don't really expect our new President to be a miracle worker. But I am excited to see the readiness people have for what he will bring. It is not so much the man but the fact that everyone seems inspired. Everyone seems willing to do their part. No one I see is expecting to sit back in the Lazyboy and watch the world change. They are all rolling up their sleeves.
If this impulse continues, the world WILL change.
I have hope. My sleeves are also rolled up. My hammer is ready to build something new.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Vegging Out
Last night was one of those really great nights. I went down to Colorado Springs and spent the day/evening with Ken and Colleen. As is the usual for us, it involved some great time outdoors, some great catching up, some nice wine, and a nice meal.
On the way down, I stopped by the Asian grocery and picked up a bunch of good eats. We hiked the 7 bridges trail and went up Gold Camp Road to the second bridge. It was all very snowy but about 50 degrees air temp. Lovely. Then we sampled the new brews at Trinity Brewing. Mmmmm. And finally to the house for an Asian Fusion night of Vietnamese Spring Rolls and Thai Drunken Noodles.
Tonight, by contrast, I'm heating up some new veggie meatballs (a new brand called Quorn) in diced tomatoes over pasta. I can't complain though, the reason I didn't cook Thai was some nice wine and cheese with friends (fabulous people) here in Fort Collins.
It's all good!
On the way down, I stopped by the Asian grocery and picked up a bunch of good eats. We hiked the 7 bridges trail and went up Gold Camp Road to the second bridge. It was all very snowy but about 50 degrees air temp. Lovely. Then we sampled the new brews at Trinity Brewing. Mmmmm. And finally to the house for an Asian Fusion night of Vietnamese Spring Rolls and Thai Drunken Noodles.
Tonight, by contrast, I'm heating up some new veggie meatballs (a new brand called Quorn) in diced tomatoes over pasta. I can't complain though, the reason I didn't cook Thai was some nice wine and cheese with friends (fabulous people) here in Fort Collins.
It's all good!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Fashion Crisis
Or
How I Learned My Lesson About Ddrinking and Driving
It was that time of the month again. Today was the culmination of a week of being slightly crabby, slightly over-tired, and slightly stressed which ends in the Colorado Board of Medical Examiners meeting. I dutifully read my 1300 + page packet filled with stories of goodness and light (well, not quite).
This morning, I got up at 5 a.m. Instead of tossing on sweats to go to the gym, I had to wear “professional clothing.” The board consists of doctors, lay people, and attorneys. We often have hearings with more attorneys and their clients whose stories have appeared in our packets. Everyone is well dressed.
Today, I selected a soft rayon blouse that has an oblique flare to mid thigh. It is taupe with Asian lettering all over it. It’s also cool enough to wear in the hot little room our meetings occupy. It’s a gorgeous blouse and looks great over a very soft pair of brown slacks. Not usually a fashionista, I was going to enjoy wearing this nice outfit.
As usual, I treated myself to a venti decaf nonfat latte for my drive down to Denver. I settled into my foggy drive with NPR to keep me company and sipped my latte. It was hot, so I let it cool a bit.
The drive seemed to take forever with the fog. I was able to move at a decent rate of speed but it still seemed like forever before I went the 40 miles to Longmont. By then, my coffee was only about ¼ gone and was still toasty but cool enough to start really drinking. So I picked it up to take a drink and proceeded to drop the entire cup, top down, into my lap.
I felt the warm coffee pool in the nice blouse. Then I felt it flood through the fabric and onto my legs, the seat, and finally settle at the back of the seat under my rear end. Damn, drinking and driving is definitely not a good thing to do.
I stopped at the first gas station and changed into the sweats that were in my gym bag in the back. I put a towel over the seat to soak up whatever coffee might ooze from the upholstery. I turned the car around and drove the 40 miles back home to change clothes. Then, I turned around again and drove to Denver WITHOUT coffee. I was late (or perhaps I should say latte) for the meeting but hadn’t missed too much. I explained my tardiness as a Fashion Crisis… wearing a non-caffeineated, non-fat latte is not professional attire.
I learned my lesson…
Next time I will carry a second set of clothes in case my latte gets rowdy.
How I Learned My Lesson About Ddrinking and Driving
It was that time of the month again. Today was the culmination of a week of being slightly crabby, slightly over-tired, and slightly stressed which ends in the Colorado Board of Medical Examiners meeting. I dutifully read my 1300 + page packet filled with stories of goodness and light (well, not quite).
This morning, I got up at 5 a.m. Instead of tossing on sweats to go to the gym, I had to wear “professional clothing.” The board consists of doctors, lay people, and attorneys. We often have hearings with more attorneys and their clients whose stories have appeared in our packets. Everyone is well dressed.
Today, I selected a soft rayon blouse that has an oblique flare to mid thigh. It is taupe with Asian lettering all over it. It’s also cool enough to wear in the hot little room our meetings occupy. It’s a gorgeous blouse and looks great over a very soft pair of brown slacks. Not usually a fashionista, I was going to enjoy wearing this nice outfit.
As usual, I treated myself to a venti decaf nonfat latte for my drive down to Denver. I settled into my foggy drive with NPR to keep me company and sipped my latte. It was hot, so I let it cool a bit.
The drive seemed to take forever with the fog. I was able to move at a decent rate of speed but it still seemed like forever before I went the 40 miles to Longmont. By then, my coffee was only about ¼ gone and was still toasty but cool enough to start really drinking. So I picked it up to take a drink and proceeded to drop the entire cup, top down, into my lap.
I felt the warm coffee pool in the nice blouse. Then I felt it flood through the fabric and onto my legs, the seat, and finally settle at the back of the seat under my rear end. Damn, drinking and driving is definitely not a good thing to do.
I stopped at the first gas station and changed into the sweats that were in my gym bag in the back. I put a towel over the seat to soak up whatever coffee might ooze from the upholstery. I turned the car around and drove the 40 miles back home to change clothes. Then, I turned around again and drove to Denver WITHOUT coffee. I was late (or perhaps I should say latte) for the meeting but hadn’t missed too much. I explained my tardiness as a Fashion Crisis… wearing a non-caffeineated, non-fat latte is not professional attire.
I learned my lesson…
Next time I will carry a second set of clothes in case my latte gets rowdy.
Friday, January 9, 2009
How much can you cram in?
It's not really a "new years resolution" but Guy and I made a pact to work out a minimum of 2x/week. If we don't succeed we each owe a charity $100/week. so I started working out a bit more. We made up a log with a base training program. Arbitrary workouts tossed onto an excel sheet. But, I'm trying to stick to it. I have one run left in the next two days to achieve my week's worth. And I finished the two workouts needed to spare myself a big payment on the first day this week.
So it's Friday night and I'm wiped out. Guy is putting greenboard up in the bathroom so we have a place to practice tiling before we do the kitchen counter. We'll also get our second bathroom functional out of it.
I just painted the closet door and trim for the bedroom... the last few things besides putting my clothes away. I have to get a couple more of those wire baskets for the top of the closet for my workout clothes.
It was a good week at work. I had a minimum of 10 people every day. Whee! And I got credentialed for working at the Urgent Care part time. So now I can start a second job in my spare time.
So it's Friday night and I'm wiped out. Guy is putting greenboard up in the bathroom so we have a place to practice tiling before we do the kitchen counter. We'll also get our second bathroom functional out of it.
I just painted the closet door and trim for the bedroom... the last few things besides putting my clothes away. I have to get a couple more of those wire baskets for the top of the closet for my workout clothes.
It was a good week at work. I had a minimum of 10 people every day. Whee! And I got credentialed for working at the Urgent Care part time. So now I can start a second job in my spare time.
Friday, January 2, 2009
A Fresh Year
Kinda like a whiteboard or blackboard that's freshly cleaned... lots of markers or chalk and time to create. It's a new year. It's a Friday. What a combo!
This morning I ran. I was struck by how new it all is (that's a euphemism for being out of shape). I injured myself a couple years back and have been mostly a slug ever since except in the pool. I've done a handfool of runs but am so out of shape.
So today, I ran. Ouch. My wheels are very rusty. But the rust started falling off today and every day that I run, more rust will fall off. I may resort to WD 40 but I'll get myself moving again. Tinman after a huge thunderstorm and a swim in the salty sea... I'll creak myself into action.
I also went to work. It was a full afternoon. That bodes well for the new year. This will be the start of a very busy work year. Full days and lots of good stuff for people. I see this as the sign of what is to come.
Some people are skeptical that 2009 will be different that 2008. But I have hope. Hope that things will grow, change, and be renewed. The world will be a better place. America will be a better place. People will be better. I believe people are inherently good and this year they will begin to embody that.
Don't burst my bubble... believe with me!
This morning I ran. I was struck by how new it all is (that's a euphemism for being out of shape). I injured myself a couple years back and have been mostly a slug ever since except in the pool. I've done a handfool of runs but am so out of shape.
So today, I ran. Ouch. My wheels are very rusty. But the rust started falling off today and every day that I run, more rust will fall off. I may resort to WD 40 but I'll get myself moving again. Tinman after a huge thunderstorm and a swim in the salty sea... I'll creak myself into action.
I also went to work. It was a full afternoon. That bodes well for the new year. This will be the start of a very busy work year. Full days and lots of good stuff for people. I see this as the sign of what is to come.
Some people are skeptical that 2009 will be different that 2008. But I have hope. Hope that things will grow, change, and be renewed. The world will be a better place. America will be a better place. People will be better. I believe people are inherently good and this year they will begin to embody that.
Don't burst my bubble... believe with me!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Trashing 2008
It was a fitting way for 2008 to end... a trashy ending.
Actually, 2008 had some really great things. Because of 2008, I live in Fort Collins with the love of my life. I have a job with a practice that is solvent. I have a fun little house that is very nearly liveable... and I finally have a bedroom.
But 2008 saw some struggles to get where we are today. We lost several dear friends. Our finances took a beating, just like everyone else.
Last night our friends Marty and Laura hosted a "White Trash New Years." We closed the office early for the Eve and I headed to Goodwill for a shopping spree. I had invited Alexis who was doing a similar shopping trip in the Springs with her sister.
We were scheduled to bring a dessert and Paula suggested we bring a "Better Than Sex" cake. Apparently a lot of people get pretty lousy sex because there are dozens of recipes by this name. I chose a cake with a Devil's Food Base. While it's hot, you drown it in condensed milk, caramel sauce, and crushed Heath Bars. Then it cools and gets topped with cool whip. I added maraschino cherries just because I think they are trashy.
We arrived at the party having a knock down, drag out fight. Guy was shouting about what a terrible woman I am because I was screaming at him for sleeping with my "sister" (played by Alexis). It was quite an entrance and played well to the black eye we had made with eye shadow. The party deteriorated from there into chatting with friends and a killer game of "Beer Pong" in the garage. Even the lawn ornaments had a good time.
And now it's on to 2009. We'll be moving into the bedroom today and I'm thrilled at the prospect. I expect a nap will be in my near future.
Actually, 2008 had some really great things. Because of 2008, I live in Fort Collins with the love of my life. I have a job with a practice that is solvent. I have a fun little house that is very nearly liveable... and I finally have a bedroom.
But 2008 saw some struggles to get where we are today. We lost several dear friends. Our finances took a beating, just like everyone else.
Last night our friends Marty and Laura hosted a "White Trash New Years." We closed the office early for the Eve and I headed to Goodwill for a shopping spree. I had invited Alexis who was doing a similar shopping trip in the Springs with her sister.
We were scheduled to bring a dessert and Paula suggested we bring a "Better Than Sex" cake. Apparently a lot of people get pretty lousy sex because there are dozens of recipes by this name. I chose a cake with a Devil's Food Base. While it's hot, you drown it in condensed milk, caramel sauce, and crushed Heath Bars. Then it cools and gets topped with cool whip. I added maraschino cherries just because I think they are trashy.
We arrived at the party having a knock down, drag out fight. Guy was shouting about what a terrible woman I am because I was screaming at him for sleeping with my "sister" (played by Alexis). It was quite an entrance and played well to the black eye we had made with eye shadow. The party deteriorated from there into chatting with friends and a killer game of "Beer Pong" in the garage. Even the lawn ornaments had a good time.
And now it's on to 2009. We'll be moving into the bedroom today and I'm thrilled at the prospect. I expect a nap will be in my near future.
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