Again

How many times have we started over. I am starting over again... I only wish there were cosmos in the yard instead of dirty remnants of snow drifts that refuse to melt. Despite the cold, I am starting again and I will get there!

It would be easy
to slumber until the sun is well risen
and all the pink has drained from the mountains
into the Cosmos in the back yard
To drink coffee there, among the flowers
To appease my limbs and dog with three miles
and call it adequate

But I have hitched a ride
with a friend who inspires me
and have set foot on this, my favorite trail
My eyes trained on the fool’s gold of sunrise
spreading across the smooth surface of the water
And on the strength of the mountain standing watch
And on the false nearness of the dam
All pulling me forward

My feet grind in the gravel
my quads groan softly in protest
with every up
and every down
My chest heaves as I gulp ten thousand foot air
And my belly clenches at the chafe of a pack heavy with water

My friend’s baby has learned to pull himself to standing
He wobbles there for upwards of minutes
before sinking back to the embrace of gravity
He can walk a lap around the room, giggling, if you hold his hands
He is getting in shape for the first time
instead of the thirtieth.
I wonder if his body inherently knows the reward
my body now craves
The reward that moves me from my bed
onto this trail

With every step I become stronger
I find ease and flow
And now and then I find his laughter in my mouth
wanting to throw my arms into the air at the top
as I rollercoaster over the hills

With every step I take shape
Like the fireweed that has lost its pink flowers
leaves turning yellow
that soon will orange and red into flames
that lick the forest floor but do not burn
Or the trees that reach out with wet kisses

It would be so easy
to have missed this morning
to not see the day or myself taking shape
tasting life
waking up
It is so easy
putting one foot in front of the other
if we remember that simply this is reason enough to giggle

LB
9/3/05