Of Harley Bean and Fireworks

The sound of fireworks makes me sad.

I remember how the distant pop and hiss used to make Harley tremble and whistle with anxiety. In addition to his Prozac, I'd give him an extra bit of valium wrapped in bacon or steak. I'd coax him onto the bed with me, thinking I could provide enough comfort that he wouldn't notice the fireworks. But as soon as I'd drift off to sleep he'd get up and pace the house. His nails click, click, clicking on the hardwoods and his breath whistling through the tightness of his fear.

On July 1, 2006 I ran the Leadville Marathon in Leadville Colorado. I was sick every couple miles. A drunk had peed on my car in the middle of the night. And someone had egged the other side of my car as I slept fitfully in the back.

On July 2, 2006, I held my beloved Harley as he breathed his last breath without a whistle. Two years later, I still miss him terribly. I don't even remember fire works that year. But now, as I hear them, I remember the twitch of his muscles with every noise.

Tributes:

Oh to hell with my brain
This day of the beast
It tells me that I have done well
To love you despite your faults
by making your life better
My brain is ignorant beyond belief
When matters of the heart are at stake
Or steak, as you would prefer

This is the day I have dread
Or close to it
The day you will join Sister
And run with someone other than me
Oh, I would share you any day
But to give you over
To the transition
Will be agonizing
At best

The gentle understanding in your eyes
For every heartbreak I have encountered
In our years together
That quiet assurance
That you were always there for me
Unconditionally
Unwavering in your loyalty

How could I even begin
To pay tribute
To one who has been
In my every waking hour
For so many, very short, years
To those four feet
Which have been with me
For so many miles

You have been my companion
My sweetness, my Bean
And you will be with me
On every run
On every trail
That beautiful grin
That undying love

Lisa B

Bean

Missing
warm velvet
Twitching muscle
Running partner
Curious nose
Whistle pig

Thinking
Old friend
Frolic
Snowy footprints
Yellow snow
Slippery hill
Big smile

Remembering
Wet feet
Crunchy bowl
Hot bacon
Prozac
One salty kiss
Groaning sigh

Running
Half heard footsteps
Pulling uphill
Cold morning
All girls
Someone missing
Harley Bean

1/23/08